What if the surrender IS the fight?

Hi there. I’m so glad you’ve joined me today. This week I’m feeling the weight of something that’s been on my heart for a while now: the spiritual struggles we face in marriage. We often hear about surrendering to God’s will, but what does it really mean to surrender when the going gets tough? Because here’s the thing—surrendering isn’t as easy as it sounds. In fact, I think sometimes the surrender is the fight.

How do you feel when you’re in the middle of a difficult moment in your marriage? Maybe you and your spouse are in a season of tension or even silence. Maybe you’re dealing with the kind of struggles that make you question everything. The temptation to fight—whether it’s to defend your point of view, to win the argument, or simply to assert your own desires—is strong. 

But here’s the paradox: the real fight is not about proving who’s right or wrong. The real fight is surrendering to God’s will, even when it's hard, even when it feels impossible. It’s not about controlling the situation or manipulating outcomes, but is about trusting that God has a plan in all the messiness and pain. And boy, that kind of surrender doesn’t come easy.

It’s no secret that marriage can be hard. After all, isn’t it the greatest saint-making machine? Sometimes, and probably too often it seems, my husband and I are at odds. About nothing. About everything. Between family tension, work tension, life tension it’s hard not to have marriage tension. And some days it just feels like we are speaking different languages, and not understanding each other at all. I sometimes find myself praying to God, asking Him to change my husband, to fix him, to make him see things my way. But as the power of the feelings fade away and the self-awareness (or God awareness) grows, I realize something: God isn’t asking me to change my husband. He is asking me to surrender my control over the situation and trust Him with the outcome.

But that’s the hard part, right? The idea that I have to let go—of my expectations, of my need for control, of my idea of what “fixing” looks like. Just at the thought I feel something like a fight within myself. How can I surrender, how can I trust, when things feel like they are falling apart? The truth is, though, that the more I fight to hold on to my way, the more miserable I become. The real battle is not in my arguments with my spouse, but within my own heart.

That’s what I want to talk about today. In times of struggle, the fight isn’t just against the circumstances or the person you’re having the conflict with. The fight is internal—it’s a battle of surrender. It’s a fight to lay down our pride, our expectations, and our own will, and instead, embrace the humility that comes with saying, “Jesus, I trust You in this.” It’s in the surrender t to your Divine wisdom and mercy, Lord that I will fight this fight. And sometimes, that can feel like one of the hardest fights of all.

1 Peter 5:6-7: says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” That’s the invitation we’re given—not to fight against our spouse, but to surrender the anxiety and the worry and the discord to God. To trust that He sees what we can’t see, that He’s working in ways we can’t always understand.

This isn’t easy. I’m not saying it’s simple or that it’s something we just wake up and “do.” It’s a daily decision, sometimes minute-by-minute, to let go of our need to be right, to let go of the hurt, and to offer it to God. But when we do, when we truly surrender, that’s when healing begins—not just in our marriage, but in our own hearts.

So, where do we go from here? What’s the homework for this week? Well, I’m going to challenge you to take a moment—today, or whenever a struggle arises—and instead of fighting to be heard, instead of fighting to change the other person, pause and say, “Lord, I surrender this to You. I trust that You will guide me, that You will guide us, through this.” It’s not easy, but it’s powerful. This week, when you feel yourself starting to get into that familiar pattern of conflict or frustration, take a deep breath and give it to God. Surrender your control, your frustration, your need for validation, and watch how He moves in your heart.

And if you take this on, let me know how it goes! Drop a comment, send me a message, or share with me a moment where you chose surrender over the struggle. I would love to hear how God is working in your heart and your marriage!

Thanks for hanging out with me today. If you enjoyed this conversation, please like, share, or follow, and invite someone who might need a little reminder that surrender really is the fight. If you’d like to stay connected, join me over on Facebook and Instagram under @author.verity.lucia.

Also, I’m not sure if you saw, but the Companion Study Guide is out for my YA spiritual warfare novel, HIDDEN is out. It is the perfect way for mothers and teen daughters to bond and have some much-needed faith-filled conversation! Check it out on Amazon under Verity Lucia Books. 

And as always, I’m praying for you. May God grant you peace, strength, and the courage to surrender, even in the toughest moments. Talk soon!